Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
