It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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