This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
