guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
