Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
