The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I enjoy the company of your penis
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
