I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
