I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
