if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
