I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
