every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
