i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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