Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
