pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
