i would punch a child for taco bell
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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