I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
