worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
