I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
