Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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