i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
