I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had to cum in my sink.
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