Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
