i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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