YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
