About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
