He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
