NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
