OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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