Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
