You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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