Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
