Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
