dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
