In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
