we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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