after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
