I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
