it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was confusing and full of hummus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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