I skipped work to stalk him.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
