i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
