I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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