Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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