It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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