Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Mom said you looked used
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
