You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
