The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
