Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
