Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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