feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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