If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
