his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
