john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
